He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
