no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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