So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The best revenge is premature balding
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
