can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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