i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
