just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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