super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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