I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Everclear isn't food dammit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
