my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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