i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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