I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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