I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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