bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
