Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
