I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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