I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize