Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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