just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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