i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
