We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
