No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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