How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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