First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How external is "for external use only"?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
