They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Are my feet made of real feet?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
