Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
