Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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