I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
