Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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