i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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