Little spoons don't ask big questions
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
