I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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