I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.