So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting