If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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