either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes