our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?