yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
dude. I can hear the air.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
