there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
