Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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