we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
