genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
