Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
