remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
