how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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