A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You smell like stripper and shame
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
