i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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