You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
