i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
