Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
