I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
