im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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