PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
