I just made out with a guy for $7.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to calm my uterus...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
