She's JV to your varsity
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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