me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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