What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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