I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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