When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize