I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
