I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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