my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Pooping to opera.
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