So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
