I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
