You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
